It’s been a year…. but I promise, there is good reason for my absence.
I began this blog because I wanted to write. Write my stories, make sense of my world and what has happened in my life. Find myself. Heal myself. Yada Yada. All that.
It was a struggle. (Shocker)… To understand what has unfolded in my life. There were too many holes and big, burning questions. I was full of unmanageable sadness, anxiety, anger, blame, shame…and love and hope and wonder. In order to write what I yearned to write, I began to look for context, for information that would help me understand….
…for some INSIGHT.
What was this deep, forceful yearning I have always felt from within?
Who AM I? How can I live authentically? What does that even mean?
How can I offer the healthiest version of myself to my growing, beautiful children?
What is my role as their mother? What does it mean to be a “good mother?”
How do I wake up and become more aware?
What are my blind spots in life? How do other people perceive me?
What do I control in this life? How do I direct my energy toward what I can control?
What is the meaning of unconditional love? Is that even possible? Can one love without judgement or need?
Can a person drain a reservoir of deep, painful shame? HOW?
So, I went back to school. I am getting a masters degree in Consciousness Studies… the perfectionist teacher’s pet inside me reared her ugly head. I would get straight A’s in this “awareness” bullshit, and come out with ALL THE ANSWERS. And of course, be awarded with
THE SECRETS OF THE UNIVERSE.
Also, because I like to feel smart, I added the offered certification program to become a Transformational Coach, an addition to the masters program. It was something I honestly did not know much about, and had no real interest in. A life coach? please. no.
So naturally, I love it. (sheepish giggle)
I found coaching to be the most healing, interesting, intense, fascinating thing I have ever done. It has truly transformed me, and became a life line for me during times of extreme stress.
In August 2015, our house caught fire. I came home from lunch with my three girls, and our home was filled with dark, black smoke. Thankfully, our puppy was found alive, we were all safe and our house was narrowly spared from burning down. But the damage was extensive, and we lost our home and most of our belongings that day.
In the six months that have passed, I have been filled with a constant sense of gratitude and love, and a confidence in myself I had never known before. Our family has been moving through the long process of recovering, but it has not required healing… Consciousness and coaching had provided the healing before the fire began.
Have I discovered the SECRETS TO THE UNIVERSE? Well, of course not.
(But you guys… quantum physics. Whoa.)
Here is what I know.
I know that my experiences moving through the loss of my faith was way more painful than losing all of my earthly possessions.
I know that the out of control maternal terror I felt when my daughter became a tiny, mad ball of misophonia rage was way, WAY harder than watching men carry firehoses into my house.
I know that opening myself up and peering into the shadows where the most wounded, shamed parts of me cowered in despair…required way, way, WAY more courage and fortitude than rummaging through the reeking, wet rubble to gather the scattered sea glass we collected as a family.
And I know a little about Consciousness now, too.
I am filled with love and compassion for those of you who are suffering with those same pains. The community of people who are reaching out for support in their own misophonia misery… the group of people who also hold pain over their loss of faith and religious uprooting… and people who share in my longing for a more peaceful, fulfilling path.
Coaching is a creative partnership, a safe place to be heard without judgement or advice giving in order to maximize potential in any area of life. It differs from psychotherapy, which aims to heal a pathology. Topics vary widely. I have coached people looking for career transition, improving a relationship with spouse or parent, parenting support, transitioning out of marriage, health and weight loss issues, motivation or search for more meaning, people in a faith transition, and people dealing with misophonia.
If you are interested in learning more about coaching, I offer a free inquiry session to learn more about the process.
Click below to schedule a session, or on the “Book a Session” tab at the top.
Photo Credit: phyllis meredith photography