Wow. Have you ever had one of those weeks (or two or three or forty in a row) where all of those cliché sayings like, “When it rains, it pours…” and “The shit’s hitting the fan” and “That which does not kill you makes you stronger” are appropriately running through your head?
Not the truly devastating stuff… not the real monsters like a death in the family, or a life threatening emergency or the end of a marriage. But mid-level crap and madness that are stress inducing and eat away hours of your sleep. The junk that makes you alternately lose your appetite and then eat a whole pizza at midnight like you are a 19-year-old college kid?
Stuff like that, peppered with ridiculous moments that seem to add insult to injury…since your brain is occupied with the mid-level madness, you don’t realize you are pointing the non-stick spray at your face and not the hot pan while making your kids’ breakfast (yes. It happened.) Or you begin dropping things constantly and repeatedly (never the car keys, always the iPhone). Then you bend over six times in a row before successfully picking it up, making you look like you are doing some ridiculous dance in the cross walk of Target while everyone waits for you.
The moments that kick up that stress level until soon, every word you utter brings tears to your eyes?
Well, that sums up my last few weeks. A stressful event happens, I freak out, I deal with it, I wake up the next day having talked myself down through a night of sleepless agonizing. I begin my day feeling much more stable and ready to carry on…and then something else happens. And slowly, I begin to unravel. I will try to get some advice from a friend about the day’s non-emergent, mid-level flavor of the day crisis and suddenly I am desperately wiping away insistent tears on the kids’ playground at school. It seems like a terrible over-reaction to the issue at hand…but the culmination of it all at once that threatens to take me down.
Having these experiences has seriously challenged my ability to write a Gratitude post. Something I committed to doing weekly and have been failing to meet the mark. I am drowning here, people. Continue reading